Another year has come and gone, so it’s time once again to examine our ridiculous elected representatives, that we might never forget just why it is we fight to contain the metastatic growth of human governance. It’s time once again to remember the truth of Lord Acton’s words, “power corrupts”. It’s time once again for the Dirty Politician Derby!
These are the filthy pigs who, as Bastiat wrote, “… during the election, were so wise, so moral, so perfect, now have no tendencies whatever; or if they have any, they are tendencies that lead downward to degradation.” This is our political class, the self-serving treasonous trash who prove time and again the necessity for limited government. This is our would-be ruling class. As we slog towards another election, it should be with a skeptical and sarcastic eye that we look upon any walking campaign ad who comes bearing gifts, promises, and shiny new programs.
Mayor Gary Becker (D-Racine, WI) – He’s a paederast, charged with five child-sex felonies after being arrested by the FBI at a mall trying to meet with a “14 year old girl” he had met on the internet. The child was in actuality a big burly G-Man, which Becker had probably better get used to, because he gets to spend the next 3 years in prison keeping big burly men warm at night.
Rep. William Jefferson (D-LA) – Caught accepting more than $400,000 in bribes and seeking millions more in exchange for brokering business deals in Africa. Agents found $90,000 in this dumb ass’s freezer. Found guilty of 11 counts of corruption, he received the longest sentence ever given to a congressman for bribery, 13 years. FBI footage of Jefferson taking the bribe is available on the internet, but I have to say, it’s not nearly as titillating as last year’s footage of Senator Diane Wilkerson doing the exact same thing.
One of his convicted co-conspirators was his brother, Mose Jefferson. I feel it necessary to state that I am not this man.
Mayor Larry Langford (D-Birmingham, AL) – Guilty on 60 counts including bribery, money laundering, criminal conspiracy, and mail and wire fraud. He was sentenced to 15 years in prison and fined more than $119,000 by a rather lenient federal judge in Tuscaloosa. He is still proudly listed among Mayor Bloomberg’s “Mayors Against Illegal (let’s be honest – they mean all) Guns” coalition, because as we all know, power-hungry politicians absolutely hate empowered citizens.
The entire state of New Jersey – Since 2002 the FBI and IRS have conducted a sweeping investigation into political corruption in New Jersey. Over the course of Operation Bid Rig more than 60 public officials have been indicted. In July of 2009, a sting operation resulted in the arrest of 44 people in both Jersey and the Big Apple, including 29 public servants and political operatives and 5 orthodox rabbis. It seems nothing is sacred in the garden state. The crimes centered around corruption and international money-laundering, but included black market trafficking of human body parts… such as kidneys… from humans!
Rather than describe each piece of trash individually, I will just list some of the most notable arrests: Mayor Peter Cammarano III (D-Hoboken); Mayor Dennis Elwell (D-Secaucus); Mayor Anthony R. Suarez (D-Ridgefield); Deputy Mayor Leona Beldini (D- Jersey City) claiming after her court appearance that she hadn’t violated the taxpayer’s trust (and thereby proving how far expectations have fallen); Assemblyman L. Harvey Smith (D-NJ); Assemblyman Daniel M. Van Pelt (R-NJ); Jersey City Councilman Philip J. Kenny; Jersey City Housing Authority Commissioner Edward Cheatam; Former Jersey City Housing Authority Commissioner and Chairwoman Lori Serrano. Dishonorable Mention: Former Senator Joseph Doria (D-Bayonne, NJ) – Forced to step down from his position as New Jersey Commissioner of Human Affairs over his alleged involvement in this debacle. No arrest has been made, yet. Maybe next year, Senator!
State Senator John Cowdery (R-O District, Alaska) – will be joining last years derby participant Vic Kohring in the Corrupt Bastards Caucus over the Alaska political corruption probe involving the VECO Corporation. After a joint investigation by the IRS and the FBI, VECO executives pled guilty to federal charges of extortion, bribery, and conspiracy to impede the IRS (okay, that last one ain’t so bad!). The corruption culminated in the bribing of top Alaskan officials to vote in favor of an oil tax law favored by VECO. Then they got caught. I love America!
Federal District Judge Samuel B. Kent (Galveston, TX) – Got off easy on one count of obstruction of justice in order to avoid an indictment on six federal counts of abusive sexual contact and aggravated sexual abuse, in cases involving non-consensual sexual contact. This scumbag was only sentenced to 2 years, 11 months, but I’m sure he’ll get out early.
Mayor Sheila Dixon (D-Baltimore) - Convicted of misdemeanor embezzlement for stealing gift cards donated to her office intended for distribution to needy Baltimore families. As an added “screw you” to us taxpayers, she will be allowed to retain her $83,000 per year pension. We, on the other hand, will continue to go to work every day to pay our bills. My self respect would never allow me to trade places with Sheila.
State Representative Rod Jetton (R, MO) – This Speaker of the Missouri House of Representatives was charged with assault after a bout of sadomasochistic sex with an advocate for the Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network. Talk about poor choice of victim! After allegedly drugging her wine, hitting her on the head repeatedly, and choking her into unconsciousness, his only defense was that she never said the agreed upon safe word. “She never said ‘green balloons’.” That’s because she was unconscious, you twisted piece of garbage.
Nevada Senator John Ensign (R-NV) - Resigned his position as Chairman of the Senate Republican Policy Committee after admitting he had an affair with Cynthia Hampton, the wife of a close friend. In 1998 Senator Ensign had called for President Dirty Bill Clinton (D) to resign after admitting to an affair with Monica Lewinsky. Irony!
Governor Mark Sanford (R-SC) - Traveled all the way to Argentina on tax dollars to have an extra-marital affair. He tried to claim that he was “walking the Appalachian Trail”. That’ll be my new slang term for “leaving my family and traveling to South America to betray my marital vows with a sexy commodity broker”. By the way, this turd also called for Dirty Bills impeachment, back in the day. Irony2!
Assemblyman Mike Duvall (R-CA) - Resigned after the married “champion of family values” was caught on video bragging about affairs with two female lobbyists. Yet another case of “idiot politician doesn’t know what a microphone does”. He said of one of his nasty ladies, "I'm getting into spanking her." What a champ!
There you have it, folks, another year of political filth. Keep it in mind the next time a politician touts their new vision for America. Remind them that seeing visions ain’t their damn job.
Showing posts with label Dirty Politician Derby. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dirty Politician Derby. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Dirty Politician Derby 2008!
Before we forget the perils and pitfalls of trusting our sworn representatives and giving them ever more and more control over our lives, let's take a few moments to remember some of the news stories that served, in 2008, to remind us why we shouldn't trust these bastards with anything. Keep in mind that this is only a list of legally criminal behavior. My computer doesn't store enough data for me to write about all of the instances of less-than-honorable leadership, such as party-line bickering, pork barrel spending, and all of what Thomas Jefferson called "the endless quibbles, chicaneries, perversions, vexations, and delays of lawyers and demi-lawyers".
Gov. Rod Blagojevich (D-IL) - Selling a Senate seat recently vacated by fellow politician Barack Obama is all over the news, but this piece of trash has also been the subject of at least a dozen separate federal investigations, not including allegedly threatening to withhold $8 million of state funds from the Children's Memorial Hospital unless they coughed up $50,000 for his re-election campaign. This guy is as filthy as they come. On a side note, did you see the gall that his eventual gubernatorial appointee, Roland Burris, displayed upon the suggestion that his appointment may not have been completely wholesome and valid? The dude (Burris) practically spit in the faces of reporters, angrily asserting "his right" to be a senator. This is exactly the self-righteous attitude of entitlement and the disdain for common decency that we see infecting so many of our elected officials.
Sen. Ted Stevens (R-AK) - Guilty of 7 felony charges related to accepting $250,000 in gifts from Veco, an Alaska oil services and construction company at the center of the now multi-year corruption probe. As a part of this big bribe Veco doubled the size of his house, so at least his ashamed family will have plenty of room to hide their faces from the world.
State Representative Vic Kohring (R-AK) - Another Alaskan representative now in prison over the Veco affair. There were several others, but I'm sticking to 2008 convictions here. Most of these pigs were rounded up in 2007.
Gov. Eliot Spitzer (D-NY) - Admitted that he was a customer of a prostitution ring and resigned. I had hesitations adding him to the list, due to his excellent record of prosecuting government corruption cases while attorney general. Oh well. At least she was hot.
Congressman Rick Renzi (R-AZ) - Indicted on multiple federal charges including conspiracy, wire fraud, money laundering, extortion, and insurance fraud.
Mayor Larry Langford (D-AL) - Arrested on December 1, 2008 by the FBI on a 101 count indictment alleging conspiracy, bribery, fraud, money laundering, and filing false tax returns in connection with a long-running bribery scheme.
State Senator Carole Midgen (D-CA) - Caught in 89 counts of campaign finance reporting, involving over half a million dollars. This one doesn't seem so bad, but it was enough to land her a $350,000 fine. It's funny which ethical violations will get you in trouble, and which ones won't.
State Senator Diane Wilkerson (D-MA) - Finally resigned in the face of tax evasion, ethics violations, and perjury charges. The icing on the cake is the FBI videotape of this classy lady stuffing bribe money into her bra. The DVD will hit porn-shop shelves just in time for the Oscars.
Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick (D-MI) - This pimp-ass muthafucka is one of my favorites. Talk about living the life of royalty. Where do we begin? He got caught using taxdollars to pay for his spa massages, extravagant meals, expensive wines, and a freakin' car lease, running up a bill of $210,000! He also got caught giving his buddies the homey-hookup on lucrative public works contracts involving hundreds of millions of tax dollars. Remember, folks, tax dollars come straight from all of our hard earned paychecks! After using his taxpayer provided security unit to cover up an extramarital affair with his sexy Chief of Staff, he fired both of the police officers assigned to investigate this misuse of public resources. Then, he lied about it under oath, knowing that Bill Clinton gave us all a nice precedent. Ooh, let's not forget that big party he threw at the mayoral mansion with all the strippers. When his wife unexpectedly came home and found him in a compromising position, a scene right out of "COPS" ensued. Tragically, the stripper involved, a Miss Tamara Greene, could not be a part of the follow-up investigation, as she was later shot 18 times with a Glock .40 cal (A fine gun commonly used by the police, which I only mention because there is a continuing cover-up scandal involving, well, the police). The entire investigation into what exactly happened at the governor's mansion that night is ongoing, and is starting to read like the investigations of the Kennedy assassinations. Oh, by the way, this son of a bitch also funneled $175,000 of state grant money into a bogus organization with only one employee: His wife. Those aren't all of this pimp's scandals, but you get the point.
State Senator Joseph Coniglio (D-NJ) - Indicted for abusing state grants, mail fraud and extortion. Bo-ring!
Governor Bill Richardson (D-NM) - Had to withdraw his bid to be Obama's Commerce Secretary due to investigations into trading campaign money for lucrative government transportation contracts.
Councilman Hiram Monserrate (D-NY) - Charged for assaulting his girlfriend, resulting in an injury to her left eye. I only mention him to remind us all that even the small fries can't be trusted.
Attorney General Marc Dann (D-OH) - Resigned because of a sex scandal and harassment of his aides.
Senate Pro Tempore (?) John Burton (D-CA) - Alleged sexual harassment.
Attorney General Paul J. Morrison (D-KS) - After an extramarital affair with an office administrator, he was charged with sexual harassment and claims that he pressured her to obtain sensitive information about the district attorney. Talk about rude. I would've sent her flowers, instead.
Tim Mahoney (D-FL) - Currently under FBI investigation for preferential treatment involving $3.4 million in hurricane relief funds, and also (wait for it) . . . extramarital affair!
Attorney General Marc Dann (D-OH) - Resigned after an . . . anyone? . . . you guessed it, an extramarital affair!
Representative Vito Fossella (R-NY) - Drunk driving and . . . extramarital affair!
Senator John Edwards (D-NC) - Extramarital affair! And, as if that wasn't disgusting enough, he did it while his wife was battling cancer. My feelings on this fella are akin to my feeling on dog shit in a warm glass of milk, aged three weeks.
And let's not forget our friends down in the fake state of Puerto Rico. Governor Anibal Acevedo Vila (D-Puerto Rico) - Indicted by the United States on 19 counts of campaign finance corruption and conspiracy to violate federal election laws. On August 19, 2008 he was indicted a second time with 5 additional counts, including four counts of Honest Services Wire Fraud, and a fifth count of Conspiracy to Commit Money Laundering. Puerto Rico also makes decent rum.
Holy smokes, are you still reading? Good for you, and thanks. I've written this purely out of a passionate love for my country and all that it stands for. Our founding fathers gave us an amazing and precious nation, and it is up to us to defend it from all enemies, foreign and domestic. I treasure our liberty, equality, and opportunity. One of the biggest threats to these are our politicians, from the President on down. Let's resolve to hold them to a higher standard. If we diminish their power, we will strengthen our own.
This concludes Dirty Politician Derby 2008!
Gov. Rod Blagojevich (D-IL) - Selling a Senate seat recently vacated by fellow politician Barack Obama is all over the news, but this piece of trash has also been the subject of at least a dozen separate federal investigations, not including allegedly threatening to withhold $8 million of state funds from the Children's Memorial Hospital unless they coughed up $50,000 for his re-election campaign. This guy is as filthy as they come. On a side note, did you see the gall that his eventual gubernatorial appointee, Roland Burris, displayed upon the suggestion that his appointment may not have been completely wholesome and valid? The dude (Burris) practically spit in the faces of reporters, angrily asserting "his right" to be a senator. This is exactly the self-righteous attitude of entitlement and the disdain for common decency that we see infecting so many of our elected officials.
Sen. Ted Stevens (R-AK) - Guilty of 7 felony charges related to accepting $250,000 in gifts from Veco, an Alaska oil services and construction company at the center of the now multi-year corruption probe. As a part of this big bribe Veco doubled the size of his house, so at least his ashamed family will have plenty of room to hide their faces from the world.
State Representative Vic Kohring (R-AK) - Another Alaskan representative now in prison over the Veco affair. There were several others, but I'm sticking to 2008 convictions here. Most of these pigs were rounded up in 2007.
Gov. Eliot Spitzer (D-NY) - Admitted that he was a customer of a prostitution ring and resigned. I had hesitations adding him to the list, due to his excellent record of prosecuting government corruption cases while attorney general. Oh well. At least she was hot.
Congressman Rick Renzi (R-AZ) - Indicted on multiple federal charges including conspiracy, wire fraud, money laundering, extortion, and insurance fraud.
Mayor Larry Langford (D-AL) - Arrested on December 1, 2008 by the FBI on a 101 count indictment alleging conspiracy, bribery, fraud, money laundering, and filing false tax returns in connection with a long-running bribery scheme.
State Senator Carole Midgen (D-CA) - Caught in 89 counts of campaign finance reporting, involving over half a million dollars. This one doesn't seem so bad, but it was enough to land her a $350,000 fine. It's funny which ethical violations will get you in trouble, and which ones won't.
State Senator Diane Wilkerson (D-MA) - Finally resigned in the face of tax evasion, ethics violations, and perjury charges. The icing on the cake is the FBI videotape of this classy lady stuffing bribe money into her bra. The DVD will hit porn-shop shelves just in time for the Oscars.
Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick (D-MI) - This pimp-ass muthafucka is one of my favorites. Talk about living the life of royalty. Where do we begin? He got caught using taxdollars to pay for his spa massages, extravagant meals, expensive wines, and a freakin' car lease, running up a bill of $210,000! He also got caught giving his buddies the homey-hookup on lucrative public works contracts involving hundreds of millions of tax dollars. Remember, folks, tax dollars come straight from all of our hard earned paychecks! After using his taxpayer provided security unit to cover up an extramarital affair with his sexy Chief of Staff, he fired both of the police officers assigned to investigate this misuse of public resources. Then, he lied about it under oath, knowing that Bill Clinton gave us all a nice precedent. Ooh, let's not forget that big party he threw at the mayoral mansion with all the strippers. When his wife unexpectedly came home and found him in a compromising position, a scene right out of "COPS" ensued. Tragically, the stripper involved, a Miss Tamara Greene, could not be a part of the follow-up investigation, as she was later shot 18 times with a Glock .40 cal (A fine gun commonly used by the police, which I only mention because there is a continuing cover-up scandal involving, well, the police). The entire investigation into what exactly happened at the governor's mansion that night is ongoing, and is starting to read like the investigations of the Kennedy assassinations. Oh, by the way, this son of a bitch also funneled $175,000 of state grant money into a bogus organization with only one employee: His wife. Those aren't all of this pimp's scandals, but you get the point.
State Senator Joseph Coniglio (D-NJ) - Indicted for abusing state grants, mail fraud and extortion. Bo-ring!
Governor Bill Richardson (D-NM) - Had to withdraw his bid to be Obama's Commerce Secretary due to investigations into trading campaign money for lucrative government transportation contracts.
Councilman Hiram Monserrate (D-NY) - Charged for assaulting his girlfriend, resulting in an injury to her left eye. I only mention him to remind us all that even the small fries can't be trusted.
Attorney General Marc Dann (D-OH) - Resigned because of a sex scandal and harassment of his aides.
Senate Pro Tempore (?) John Burton (D-CA) - Alleged sexual harassment.
Attorney General Paul J. Morrison (D-KS) - After an extramarital affair with an office administrator, he was charged with sexual harassment and claims that he pressured her to obtain sensitive information about the district attorney. Talk about rude. I would've sent her flowers, instead.
Tim Mahoney (D-FL) - Currently under FBI investigation for preferential treatment involving $3.4 million in hurricane relief funds, and also (wait for it) . . . extramarital affair!
Attorney General Marc Dann (D-OH) - Resigned after an . . . anyone? . . . you guessed it, an extramarital affair!
Representative Vito Fossella (R-NY) - Drunk driving and . . . extramarital affair!
Senator John Edwards (D-NC) - Extramarital affair! And, as if that wasn't disgusting enough, he did it while his wife was battling cancer. My feelings on this fella are akin to my feeling on dog shit in a warm glass of milk, aged three weeks.
And let's not forget our friends down in the fake state of Puerto Rico. Governor Anibal Acevedo Vila (D-Puerto Rico) - Indicted by the United States on 19 counts of campaign finance corruption and conspiracy to violate federal election laws. On August 19, 2008 he was indicted a second time with 5 additional counts, including four counts of Honest Services Wire Fraud, and a fifth count of Conspiracy to Commit Money Laundering. Puerto Rico also makes decent rum.
Holy smokes, are you still reading? Good for you, and thanks. I've written this purely out of a passionate love for my country and all that it stands for. Our founding fathers gave us an amazing and precious nation, and it is up to us to defend it from all enemies, foreign and domestic. I treasure our liberty, equality, and opportunity. One of the biggest threats to these are our politicians, from the President on down. Let's resolve to hold them to a higher standard. If we diminish their power, we will strengthen our own.
This concludes Dirty Politician Derby 2008!
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