Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Dirty Politician Derby 2009!

Another year has come and gone, so it’s time once again to examine our ridiculous elected representatives, that we might never forget just why it is we fight to contain the metastatic growth of human governance. It’s time once again to remember the truth of Lord Acton’s words, “power corrupts”. It’s time once again for the Dirty Politician Derby!
These are the filthy pigs who, as Bastiat wrote, “… during the election, were so wise, so moral, so perfect, now have no tendencies whatever; or if they have any, they are tendencies that lead downward to degradation.” This is our political class, the self-serving treasonous trash who prove time and again the necessity for limited government. This is our would-be ruling class. As we slog towards another election, it should be with a skeptical and sarcastic eye that we look upon any walking campaign ad who comes bearing gifts, promises, and shiny new programs.

Mayor Gary Becker (D-Racine, WI) – He’s a paederast, charged with five child-sex felonies after being arrested by the FBI at a mall trying to meet with a “14 year old girl” he had met on the internet. The child was in actuality a big burly G-Man, which Becker had probably better get used to, because he gets to spend the next 3 years in prison keeping big burly men warm at night.

Rep. William Jefferson (D-LA) – Caught accepting more than $400,000 in bribes and seeking millions more in exchange for brokering business deals in Africa. Agents found $90,000 in this dumb ass’s freezer. Found guilty of 11 counts of corruption, he received the longest sentence ever given to a congressman for bribery, 13 years. FBI footage of Jefferson taking the bribe is available on the internet, but I have to say, it’s not nearly as titillating as last year’s footage of Senator Diane Wilkerson doing the exact same thing.
One of his convicted co-conspirators was his brother, Mose Jefferson. I feel it necessary to state that I am not this man.

Mayor Larry Langford (D-Birmingham, AL) – Guilty on 60 counts including bribery, money laundering, criminal conspiracy, and mail and wire fraud. He was sentenced to 15 years in prison and fined more than $119,000 by a rather lenient federal judge in Tuscaloosa. He is still proudly listed among Mayor Bloomberg’s “Mayors Against Illegal (let’s be honest – they mean all) Guns” coalition, because as we all know, power-hungry politicians absolutely hate empowered citizens.

The entire state of New Jersey – Since 2002 the FBI and IRS have conducted a sweeping investigation into political corruption in New Jersey. Over the course of Operation Bid Rig more than 60 public officials have been indicted. In July of 2009, a sting operation resulted in the arrest of 44 people in both Jersey and the Big Apple, including 29 public servants and political operatives and 5 orthodox rabbis. It seems nothing is sacred in the garden state. The crimes centered around corruption and international money-laundering, but included black market trafficking of human body parts… such as kidneys… from humans!
Rather than describe each piece of trash individually, I will just list some of the most notable arrests: Mayor Peter Cammarano III (D-Hoboken); Mayor Dennis Elwell (D-Secaucus); Mayor Anthony R. Suarez (D-Ridgefield); Deputy Mayor Leona Beldini (D- Jersey City) claiming after her court appearance that she hadn’t violated the taxpayer’s trust (and thereby proving how far expectations have fallen); Assemblyman L. Harvey Smith (D-NJ); Assemblyman Daniel M. Van Pelt (R-NJ); Jersey City Councilman Philip J. Kenny; Jersey City Housing Authority Commissioner Edward Cheatam; Former Jersey City Housing Authority Commissioner and Chairwoman Lori Serrano. Dishonorable Mention: Former Senator Joseph Doria (D-Bayonne, NJ) – Forced to step down from his position as New Jersey Commissioner of Human Affairs over his alleged involvement in this debacle. No arrest has been made, yet. Maybe next year, Senator!

State Senator John Cowdery (R-O District, Alaska) – will be joining last years derby participant Vic Kohring in the Corrupt Bastards Caucus over the Alaska political corruption probe involving the VECO Corporation. After a joint investigation by the IRS and the FBI, VECO executives pled guilty to federal charges of extortion, bribery, and conspiracy to impede the IRS (okay, that last one ain’t so bad!). The corruption culminated in the bribing of top Alaskan officials to vote in favor of an oil tax law favored by VECO. Then they got caught. I love America!

Federal District Judge Samuel B. Kent (Galveston, TX) – Got off easy on one count of obstruction of justice in order to avoid an indictment on six federal counts of abusive sexual contact and aggravated sexual abuse, in cases involving non-consensual sexual contact. This scumbag was only sentenced to 2 years, 11 months, but I’m sure he’ll get out early.

Mayor Sheila Dixon (D-Baltimore) - Convicted of misdemeanor embezzlement for stealing gift cards donated to her office intended for distribution to needy Baltimore families. As an added “screw you” to us taxpayers, she will be allowed to retain her $83,000 per year pension. We, on the other hand, will continue to go to work every day to pay our bills. My self respect would never allow me to trade places with Sheila.

State Representative Rod Jetton (R, MO) – This Speaker of the Missouri House of Representatives was charged with assault after a bout of sadomasochistic sex with an advocate for the Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network. Talk about poor choice of victim! After allegedly drugging her wine, hitting her on the head repeatedly, and choking her into unconsciousness, his only defense was that she never said the agreed upon safe word. “She never said ‘green balloons’.” That’s because she was unconscious, you twisted piece of garbage.

Nevada Senator John Ensign (R-NV) - Resigned his position as Chairman of the Senate Republican Policy Committee after admitting he had an affair with Cynthia Hampton, the wife of a close friend. In 1998 Senator Ensign had called for President Dirty Bill Clinton (D) to resign after admitting to an affair with Monica Lewinsky. Irony!

Governor Mark Sanford (R-SC) - Traveled all the way to Argentina on tax dollars to have an extra-marital affair. He tried to claim that he was “walking the Appalachian Trail”. That’ll be my new slang term for “leaving my family and traveling to South America to betray my marital vows with a sexy commodity broker”. By the way, this turd also called for Dirty Bills impeachment, back in the day. Irony2!

Assemblyman Mike Duvall (R-CA) - Resigned after the married “champion of family values” was caught on video bragging about affairs with two female lobbyists. Yet another case of “idiot politician doesn’t know what a microphone does”. He said of one of his nasty ladies, "I'm getting into spanking her." What a champ!

There you have it, folks, another year of political filth. Keep it in mind the next time a politician touts their new vision for America. Remind them that seeing visions ain’t their damn job.

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